Positive Psychology Column for 7-6-03 By Tom Muha, Ph.D. How to Become More Successful The people who create the most success in life have two character traits that take them to the top, according to the research reported by Jim Collins in “Good To Great.”  The first is professional will and the second, surprisingly,  is personal humility. Not unexpectedly, people who produce great results are unwilling to accept mediocre or even merely good outcomes.  They expect that they and their team will become the best in the world at their work.  Their commitment is to do whatever must be done to achieve excellence.  They have a personal style which combines unwavering resolve with workmanlike diligence. But the surprise element involves how those who have led their organizations to great heights think their accomplishments.  Demonstrating huge amounts of humility, those leaders attribute success to the efforts of others as well as a large amount of good fortune. When speaking of their own contributions, the corporate leaders who had been the most successful in the second half of the 20th century focused mostly on their responsibility for the mistakes that were made along the way. When great results are achieved, the best leaders look out the window at the people and events that contributed to the fantastic success.  When problems occurred, these same CEO’s looked in the mirror and had a long talk with themselves about what they needed to do differently. Leaders in comparison companies who had languished did just the opposite.  They blamed others for failures and took the credit for whatever limited  success may have happened.  This crucial distinction accounts for much of why people at all levels fail to attain success and satisfaction in their lives.  People regularly underestimate the consequences of their poor choices, preferring to look at themselves through rose colored glasses. For example, people fail to acknowledge how many bad food choices they make and so more than 50% of Americans are overweight.  Or they deny how their own negative contributions to their relationships with their spouse, children, boss, and coworkers create conflicts that lead to unhappy outcomes. Then when problems arise they want to blame others and make themselves the victims.  So they sue their physicians for their medical problems or they complain constantly about their mate, their “ex,” or their boss.  This is the mentality of those two-thirds of Americans who tell the Gallup poll their lives are “not very happy.” Humility is a character trait that allows people to look for and appreciate the positive energy of the world, while accepting that the only real power a person has in overcoming problems is to change themselves. Would you like to be more successful?  Then look in the mirror and answer these questions: In what area of your life are you most dissatisfied?  Now take a deep breath and remind yourself that you have solved problems successfully in the past.  Then ask, “What have my contributions been to perpetuating this problem?” When you start to slip into thinking about how someone else was involved in the problem, get tough with yourself.  Tell yourself, “Whatever anyone else has done is irrelevant!” Keep the focus on yourself and fight your way past the initial discomfort as you look for areas in which you can improve. Look at the energy you have brought to the situation.  What were your feelings about what was going on?  You probably had negative reactions, which only fed the problem.  Emotions are contagious, so if you keep yours positive they will eventually triumph over the negative.  Power in this dimension will come from figuring out how you can stay positive no matter what the other side does or says. How did you manage your body when you experiencing tense times?  Did you walk away to give yourself a chance to calm down?  How can you become better at disengaging from the problem situation so you can soothe yourself? What were your thoughts when you were caught up in the problem?  Most likely you got pessimistic about finding a mutually acceptable solution.  Only by remaining optimistic that you will ultimately prevail can you produce a positive outcome.  You have the power to control your own thoughts.  How can you shift into thinking about solutions rather than revenge? How can the Higher Power help your human spirit to have the energy you need to keep working on this problem until you find a satisfactory solution? What do  you need to do to bolster your faith in your ability to achieve happiness?   Tom Muha is a psychologist in Annapolis. He welcomes your comments and questions. To contact him call (443) 454-7274 or email him at tom@achievinghappiness.com.