Positive Psychology Column for 3-2-03 By Tom Muha, Ph.D. Americans Say They're "Not Very Happy" Would you like to be happier? If your answer is yes, then you are like most other Americans. In a recent study of the U.S. population, almost two-thirds of the people interviewed described themselves as “not very happy.” In fact, most people have become so used to being unhappy that they are only vaguely aware of it. Living with unhappiness has become like living next to the airport - after a while you don’t even hear the scream of the engines. See if this description of the average person’s day sounds all too familiar: “Waking up is a drag since I never seem to get enough sleep. The kids are raring to go, however. They’re good kids, but sometimes I’m afraid I don’t handle their constant demands and frequent squabbling very well.” “Then there’s the push to get to work on time, the worst part of which is watching out for the road rage wierdos. When I am late, I get that dirty look from the boss that strikes fear in my heart. Sometimes I think that being scared is the secret to my successfully getting all my work done.” “But it also puts a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach, which I usually fill with something that I know is bad for me, like a cream filled donut. Just what I need when I’m already overweight. The young kids in the office are all so skinny, which is just another reminder that I’m getting older. And being seen as older isn’t a good thing at work.” “So I dream about retiring, and check the stock market almost every day. If it’s down then so am I because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to retire. If it’s up, I get the urge to go buy something to make myself feel better. But that good feeling doesn’t last long, and when the Visa bill comes in I get the sinking feeling there is no way I can win the money game.” “I’d like to get promoted, make some more money, and not have to work for idiots. That’s why I bust my butt to get things done. So far all I’ve gotten for my efforts is a recurring headache that plagues me as I’m rushing home after working late. I used to wish the weekend would get here sooner, but lately I’ve realized that when it does arrive it means that I’ll just be doing work around the house.” “I think exercise would help, but who has the time? I just go home and have a drink instead. I wish I could have three or four, but it’s not worth having to listen to the snide comments. Seems like I’m as appreciated at home as much I as I am work.” “Usually there is something I like to watch on TV, if I don’t fall asleep in the middle of the show. Even though I’m exhausted, I usually have a restless night’s sleep. Then the alarm is going off and it starts all over again.” What a contrast to how you thought your life would turn out when you were growing up. Happiness seemed to be within your grasp back then. You knew what you wanted and you could see happiness shimmering in the distance. What a surprise that you have ended up feeling like the promise of having a happy life was just a cruel hoax. Well finally there is some good news for you. After years of research, psychologists have just figured out what makes people happy. This column is devoted to providing you with the practical information that you need to know to in order to achieve authentic happiness. You are going to discover that there is now a scientific formula that defines all the factors that are required to be happy. Each week I’m going to reveal one of these ingredients that goes into the recipe for creating happiness. I’ll teach you the skills that you will need in order to actually implement each element into your life. I’ll also explore the popular myths that most Americans have come to believe will make them happy, but which actually have them trapped in their current state of dissatisfaction. When you were young, you looked at your parents and other adults and told yourself that you’d never end up like that. Now you are telling yourself, “This shouldn’t have happened to me.” You are right. This shouldn’t be how you have to live your life. You can do better. Much better.   Tom Muha is a psychologist in Annapolis. He welcomes your comments and questions. To contact him call (443) 454-7274 or email him at tom@achievinghappiness.com.