Positive Psychology Column for 3-14-04 By Tom Muha, Ph.D. How To Choose Happiness After having written for the past year about the recent scientific breakthroughs regarding what creates higher levels of success and satisfaction,  I’ve heard many statements like this: “OK, you’ve convinced me that it’s possible for people to be happier - but how do I actually go about making it happen in my life?” I’ve seen many people improve their lives by applying the principles of positive psychology. But people change only when they see a purpose for doing so and agree that it’s worthwhile making the effort. Often that purpose arises from some aspect of our life that is painful.  Psychic pain arises when your beliefs are inconsistent with your actions. Here are some examples: - You believe in having a loving marriage, but are emotionally distant from your spouse. - You believe that it’s important to have a healthy body, but you eat/smoke/drink too much. - You believe that you need a substantial nest-egg for retirement, but you spend your money rather than save it. Only by aligning your choices now with your dreams and desires for the future will you be propelled toward happiness. The first step in the change process is accepting that where you are is not where you want to be. The pain that this acknowledgment produces is based on your fear that it’s impossible to change your situation. This is true only if you tell yourself it is. Changing your behavior begins by changing how you’re thinking. Your thoughts consist of the pictures and self-talk that go through your mind. Almost always this is an uncensored process, which means that you are not paying attention to, much less controlling, the way in which you’re creating the story of your life. Without conscious control over your thoughts, you will be reactive to the events in your life. Because reactions are far too frequently negative,  you allow your mind to develop a belief that what most often happens to you in the world will bring you anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration, and other unhappy emotions. However, you are capable of being proactive in response to what happens to you in life regardless of whether the events are good or bad. That occurs when you create a story of your life that has specific positive outcomes for your future. Seeing the positive pictures of how your life will be once you’ve achieved happiness automatically gets you thinking about what you need to be doing to get yourself there. Then when good things happen, you’ll be appreciative in the moment and use the event to reinforce to yourself and others that you’re progressing toward your goals. When setbacks occur, you’ll tell yourself that it’s temporary and you’ll become focused on figuring out another approach that will start moving you forward again. This trial and error method is part of a four-step model of what the research has shown to be the most successful system for adults to learn new skills. First, people hear new information. Second, they absorb it by determining how it’s relevant to their own life. Then people begin to experiment with how they can apply the new learning to their life, fully aware they will have to practice for a while in order to become good at using their new skills. They approach the new learning with the mind-set that they’ll try things out for a while, then reflect on how well it’s working so they can continually make improvements to their efforts. Most people find that they learn faster if they also teach others how to apply the new skills to their situation as well. Motivation is sustained by regularly reviewing the rational reasons for change as well as the underlying hopes for the future. It’s rational to want to lessen the distress in your marriage, but it’s more powerful to see yourself having more love in your life. It’s rational to want to lose weight so you’ll look better, but you’ll never give up on your goal if you expand your motivation from a focus on the external element to a means of satisfying a potent personal need. For instance, think of having an active, fun-filled retirement in which you’re out traveling the world rather than languishing in a nursing home suffering from the effects of diabetes, stroke or another disabling disease. You will unlock your deeply felt need for change when you contrast your hopes for your future with an accurate assessment where you are presently headed.   Tom Muha is a psychologist in Annapolis. He welcomes your comments and questions. To contact him call (443) 454-7274 or email him at tom@achievinghappiness.com.