Achieving Happiness Column for 12-26-04 By Tom Muha, Ph.D. FINDING HAPPINESS AFTER THE HOLIDAYS Opening Christmas or Chanukah presents produces such excitement. Giving and receiving gifts certainly makes people happy, but the good feelings are surprisingly short-lived. Do you ever wish that you could hold onto the happiness of the holidays all year long? Susan says that her peace on earth passes way too quickly: “I start struggling with the stress and strain of my pressure packed life the day after Christmas. I’ll spend the day cleaning up the holiday mess around the house. Tomorrow I’ll be commuting to work, dealing with my demanding boss, and then coming home to face my child-rearing responsibilities.” “The worst part,” Susan says, “is that after spending a small fortune on the kids, I’m always astonished by the absence of appreciation after just a few days. I try so hard to make them happy, but it never seems to last very long.” Within weeks of the holidays, Susan and  many others will begin to have feelings of emptiness, sadness, or restlessness. They’ll have a sense that their lives are grinding them down. The problem is a post holiday letdown. This phenomenon occurs when people primarily create their good feelings by engaging in pleasurable activities, which makes their emotions’ momentary states controlled by external conditions. As soon as circumstances change, so do their feelings. I’m not suggesting that anyone give up the pleasures of exchanging presents, or sitting down for a wonderful Christmas dinner. I’m recommending that you add another dimension to how you make yourself happy, one that will intensify as well as prolong your good feelings. Showing goodwill toward men will give you a higher level of happiness than you’ll derive from the passing pleasures of presents or parties. Positive psychology research has proven that helping other people in ways that allow you to use your character strengths produces a profound level of satisfaction. By using your best traits to better the lives of others, your philanthropic actions will give you a feeling of being deeply gratified (as opposed to merely pleasured). You can create a more meaningful life by using your personality traits, rather than relying on pleasurable states. Your life will have meaning because you’re leaving a legacy by helping to make the world a better place. Think about what it means to leave a legacy. If you help ten people in your lifetime, and they help ten people in their lifetimes, who in turn each help ten people...then a thousand human beings are better off because of your contributions. Your character strengths are permanent traits. Therefore,  your feelings of well-being will stretch far into the future since you’ll know that you can always use them to improve the lives of others. Susan decided that she’d fill the void she’d often felt after the holiday’s by being more supportive of a girlfriend who was recovering from a serious illness. She’d gone to see her friend several times immediately after her surgery. But with being so busy around the holidays, she’d put making contact on the back burner. As Susan contemplated making this change, she became aware that she needs to start planning to take some time to talk to her friend. Otherwise, her good intentions would soon be swept away by the pressure of more immediate, but less important matters. Susan lives by her schedule book, so she knew that writing down reminders to make contact would make it happen. But when Susan imagined what she’d say to her friend whose life had been forever altered by her illness, she felt fear rising up within her. “There but for the grace of God go I,” she thought. Susan realized that one reason for her lack of contact had been her fear of facing the fact that she could have been the one who got sick. What would happen to her husband and children if she were suddenly debilitated? Drawing on one of her best strengths, Susan decided that she’d use her optimistic attitude to help her friend find answers to the problems she was facing. Rather than running away from issues, Susan recalled how her mother had taught her to think through problems to find solutions. She recalled how comforting it felt to have that kind of support. Suddenly Susan was feeling an amazing amount of energy in her life. She was making a difference. Her renewed purpose in life made her feel great, as did her deeper appreciation for the ordinary magic of having a family in which everyone was healthy.   Dr. Tom Muha is a psychologist practicing in Annapolis.  His previous articles are archived on his website: www.achievinghappiness.com. He welcomes your comments and questions. To contact him call (443) 454-7274 or email him at drtom@achievinghappiness.com.       Tom Muha is a psychologist in Annapolis. He welcomes your comments and questions. To contact him call (443) 454-7274 or email him at tom@achievinghappiness.com.